But a Spec of Light
- itcametopass
- Nov 16, 2018
- 3 min read
Updated: Nov 18, 2018
"If you are in a totally pitch dark room and there is the smallest element of light, then that
light chases darkness... the darkness cannot overrule the light." -David A. Bednar
The Light of Christ could be mistaken for your conscience; however, it is the force from heaven that pulls us to be good and to do good.
As we act in goodness we will see more Radiance.
Brilliance.
& Direction in our lives.
As I wrestle with depression I often lose myself in the pitch dark recesses of my mind, a place where thoughts and experiences ferment too long. This labyrinth, a sadistic playground for bullies (usually the most brutal bully being myself) exhausts me like nothing else can. Blindly, I shuffle my way through the maze, sometimes lingering too long to cower at one dead end after another dead end, frustrated with my inability to progress, to feel, and to see my way; in this state of mind, everything feels like a dead end. In these moments of despair I forget that I have 5 senses (unfortunately/fortunately I don't have the sixth sense...). The darkness has stricken my sight, and I lose my ability to see light, to touch what is around me, or even to listen because I am so suffocated by everything I'm not doing and everything I can't do. Generally, when I get to a breaking point, when giving up seems decided, specs of light float in like dust, so microscopic I don't notice at first, and I have hope in the deliverance of God again.
People often say that when you start feeling bad for yourself you should look outward and serve other people. However, this can be incredibly difficult when you feel lost, helpless, or hopeless. If I can barely help myself through my own struggles, how on God's green earth can I help or serve someone else? Well... light, in all its forms and shapes and sizes, chases darkness, especially the Light of Christ. As long as light exists darkness will not an cannot overrule it. Always.
One thing that has helped me to reach out and focus on those specs of light chasing the darkness is the influence of the Light of Christ. When I, in a moment of (what feels like) weakness, stop scrutinizing everything I'm not doing and everything I can't do, and blah blah blah you know how it goes... if I in this moment am still... actually still...
I sense light. I feel it. I inhale it. Then I sometimes I see it. Be still and know that I am God -- that is a power principle. Then, because I've acknowledged those specs of life, at this point I am able to serve: Thank my cashier at the store for being at work and helping me. Take someone's grocery cart back. Say something random to a stranger next to me. Notice someone trying to take a selfie of a large group and offer to take it for them. Wait to hold the door open for someone (or if you go through an automatic door say to them 'let me get that door for you...' #funny) Smile at someone. Heck, wink at someone at the stoplight (I remember one day in high school like... 13 years ago... when I was sitting at a stop light on my way home from school and 2 boys going the opposite direction started waving fanatically at me as we passed in the intersection. I am certain I didn't know them, but that random gesture made me smile, then laugh, and realize I had been frowning. It changed my demeanor which changed my mood and it's stuck with me). As I have yielded to the influence to do good and recognize that in my current state of mind, whatever it may be, simply is how I can serve. And suddenly those dusty specs of light somehow glow like fireflies leading me down different, refreshing roads where hope hovers, ready to be caught.
The Light of Christ is limitless.
Do what you can. Do what you can however you can. Do what you can, however you can, when you can. As you yield to simple feelings of compassion (for yourself and others) in even your weakest moments, just as I have, the Light of Christ will increase its influence and that Light will lead you through the lonely labyrinth where darkness thrives. Remember: Even the smallest bit of light chases darkness. Even in its smallest form, light cannot be overruled by darkness, it will always strive to be seen.
-Amy
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